I was at the grocery store a few weeks ago, navigating the aisle to the meat counter with my white cane, when I heard the unmistakable, high-pitched stage whisper of a small child.
"Mommy, why is that man poking the floor with that stick?"
I could feel the parent's immediate mortification. There was a frantic "Shhh! Don't be rude!" followed by the sound of a shopping cart being hastily wheeled away. I smiled. The parent thought they were teaching their child politeness. What they were actually teaching them is that disability is a topic too scary, too awkward, or too taboo to talk about. They were teaching the child to replace curiosity with silence.
And frankly, we could all use a lot less silence and a lot more of that five-year-old’s curiosity.
The Unfiltered Lens of Childhood
Children are, in many ways, the ultimate agents of inclusion. They operate from a place of pure curiosity. Their world is a canvas of unanswered questions, and they haven't yet learned the complex social rules that tell adults to look away, to not stare, and to definitely not ask direct questions.
A child might ask:
"Can you see my bright red shirt?"
"How do you read with your fingers?"
"Does it hurt to be blind?"
An adult, on the other hand, will often perform a masterclass in awkward avoidance. They’ll speak to the person I’m with instead of me, or they'll grab my arm to "help" me without asking. They operate on a thick layer of assumptions, believing they know what is best, what is polite, and what I need, all without uttering a single question. This well-intentioned silence is infinitely more isolating than a child’s blunt inquiry.
When we shush a child for asking about a disability, we’re not just deflecting an awkward moment. We are teaching them that difference is something to be ignored, not understood. We are building the foundation for a future adult who will make decisions based on assumptions, because they were taught that asking is rude.
The Danger of Designing for a Ghost
This learned behavior of not asking questions carries directly into the professional and social worlds. It’s how we end up with inaccessible websites, buildings with "accessible" entrances that lead to a flight of stairs, and products designed without consulting the very people who will use them.
So often, decisions are made in a boardroom by people who think they know what a specific community needs. They might even engage in the "one and done" consultation: they ask one person with a disability for their opinion and consider their due diligence complete. They checked the box. But my experience as a blind person is not a monolith. It doesn't represent the needs, desires, and opinions of every other person who is blind. Assuming so is like asking one person from Texas what the entire United States thinks about barbecue. You’ll get an answer, sure, but it won’t be the whole story.
Kids, on the other hand, don’t have this filter yet. While their assumptions are based on their own lived experiences—thinking every dog is a "doggie" or that all grown-ups love broccoli—they are incredibly willing to have those assumptions corrected. They’ll ask their parents, or better yet, they’ll ask the person directly. Their curiosity is a tool for learning, not a prelude to judgment. It’s a trait we should be nurturing, not extinguishing.
A Pickleball Parable
I want to share a story that shows what happens when people choose curiosity over assumptions. Recently, a team event was planned at work: Pickleball.
My heart sank just a little when I first heard. This was an automatic response, not one grounded in any reality based on my experiences with my team members, but I know how interactions like this have gone in past experiences. It’s a common experience for people with disabilities. A fun, physical activity is planned, and you’re immediately doing the mental calculus: "How will I participate? Will they just stick me on the sidelines? Will it be more awkward if I go or if I don't?"
But then something amazing happened. A team member reached out. "Hey," they said, "we're planning this Pickleball day. We'd love for you to be there. What can we do to make it work for you?"
They didn't assume I couldn't or wouldn't want to play. They opened a dialogue. But they didn't stop there. They went and did their own research. A few days later, they followed up. "We've ordered some pickleballs with bells inside so they'll be audible."
When I showed up, the audible balls were waiting, and my teammates had a great time bonding and playing the game with varying levels of skill and success. The coaches at the place were delightful as well. At no point did I question whether I was intended to be there, nor did I feel not included. They had also, in a hilarious and heartwarming display of knowing me as a person and not just as a disability, made sure the cooler was stocked with my favorite Cokes.
They didn't treat me as a problem to be solved. They saw me as a team member to be included. They chose curiosity and action over assumption and avoidance. That, right there, is the difference between token accessibility and true, heartfelt inclusion.
Your Call to Action: Ask the Question
We can all do better. The next time you encounter someone whose experience is different from your own, resist the urge to assume. Fight the voice in your head that was conditioned by a well-meaning adult telling you it's "rude" to ask.
Channel that inner five-year-old. Be curious. Be respectful. Open a dialogue. Ask the question. You might just be surprised by how much you learn and how much more inclusive our world can become when we’re all brave enough to stop guessing.
A Few Final Notes:
The views and opinions expressed in this article are entirely my own and do not necessarily represent the views of all blind people. We are not a monolith!
Furthermore, these views do not reflect the opinions or policies of my employer.
This article was crafted with the assistance of Google's Gemini to help with clarity, readability, and brevity.